


Nine

by beanbug



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Practically plotless in every way, mild crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:05:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3602619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beanbug/pseuds/beanbug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ancient doohickey.  Rodney and John.  Surprise mpreg.  Mildly cracky.  Does exactly what it says on the tin, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nine

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god. I wrote mpreg. I'm so ashamed of myself.

“No, that’s impossible! And do you know why? Because I am a _man_. I don’t have the – “ Rodney flaps a hand at his abdomen, “- basic equipment!”

“Everything okay here?” John asks, stepping around the curtain.

Rodney crosses his arms. “Carson and I were just having a little disagreement. Apparently he never studied basic human anatomy!”

Carson was pinching the bridge of his nose. “We don’t know what caused it, Rodney. It could have been an ancient machine, or a virus – needless to say, we’re dealing with the unknown on a daily basis out here. Just because it’s never happened before – “

“Woah, woah. What’s never happened before?” John asks, looking McKay over for injuries. Rodney glares at him.

“He’ll have to find out sooner or later, Rodney,” Beckett says.

Rodney draws breath to argue and then deflates, the fight draining out of him. “Fine. Colonel, I’m pregnant.”

The room tilts on its axis. “You’re what?” John asks, because clearly he misheard, obviously he’s having some sort of psychotic episode because it sounded very much as if Rodney said –

“I’m pregnant,” Rodney repeats with a roll of his eyes. He pales suddenly. “Oh my god – I’m pregnant!” he says and Carson and John have to grab his elbows to stop him from falling. They lower him to the infirmary bed.

“Easy, lad,” Carson murmurs.

John stands back and puts his hands on his hips. “Okaaaay. How did this happen?”

“That’s what we’re still to find out,” Beckett says. “Knowing this place, it was probably an ancient doohickey,” Beckett says with a sigh. John feels a grin start. “Chances are it was implanted in you, Rodney, lad. Barring any physical donors of course,” Beckett says, with a dry chuckle.

John’s amusement vanishes in a puff, his chest suddenly like ice. It hadn’t even _occurred_ to him, it had been one night for god’s sake, and there’s no way, _no way_. Rodney is staring at him, the mirror image of John’s horror reflected on his face. Before John can wipe his own expression and move all of them away to safer ground, Carson trails off, colouring as he looks between them.

He coughs. 

“Oh. Oh my,” he says faintly.

“But – it was one time!” Rodney protestes.

“Rodney, shut up,” John hisses.

“No need to worry, Colonel. Anything said here is protected by patient-doctor confidentialiy,” Carson says, still looking wide-eyed.

Rodney is still gaping at him, and Carson is covertly staring, eyes flicking between them both, so John does the only sensible thing he can and flees.

-*-*

“Well,” Woolsey says. He stops with a cough, and adjusts his glasses before steepling his hands on the desk in front of him. “Well,” he says again, awkwardly. “This is… unexpected.”

Ronon makes a noise that sounded like a choked off laugh. Rodney glares at him. Teyla pats his arm comfortingly.

“You must remain calm in your condition, Rodney.”

John wishes the floor would swallow him whole.

-*-*

“You! You knocked me up!” Rodney says, jabbing John’s chest with his finger.

“Woah,” John says, backing up. Ow goddamnit.

“Wait a minute, I thought Carson couldn’t do the test yet?” It’s only been two months and Rodney’s only just starting to show. The bump is mostly hidden by his t-shirt, but sometimes John can’t help staring.

“We found the machine,” Rodney says, folding his arms. He looks completely serious and panic kicks up in John’s chest. 

“What machine?”

“The one you activated by accident that _impregnated me with your DNA_!” Rodney yells.

“Oh,” John says faintly.

“ _Oh_ ,” Rodney parrots, then throws up his hands in disgust and stomps away. 

-*-*

“I want to keep it,” Rodney says and John chokes on his beer.

When he’s finally cleared his airway, John looks up only to find that Rodney’s wearing his brave little toaster face. 

“Rodney, come on now be serious. What happened to Carson’s adoption plan?” John asks desperately.

“You needn’t worry, Colonel. I don’t expect anything from you,” Mckay says huffily and starts to stand. 

John grabs his arm, stopping Rodney’s ascent. “That’s not what I – Look, can you explain it to me? I’m trying to understand here. Why the change of heart?”

After a second, Rodney sits back down and John releases a breath.

“Neither of my parents were geniuses. Well, they weren’t stupid at least by normal standards, but, let’s just say they weren’t on the same level as me. And Jeannie,” Rodney adds as an afterthought.

John raises an eyebrow at him.

“What? You wanted an explanation, you’re getting one,” Rodney says then takes a breath and continues. “Anyway, they didn’t know what to do with us – Jeannie and me that is. Our father wanted us to work together to conquer the world of Physics,” Rodney says and breaks off with a chuckle.

“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,” John says. Rodney just shakes his head dismissively.

“Our Mom really wanted us to be normal kids. She could never – “Rodney tails off and waves his head in a dismissive gesture. “What if it happens again? I mean, I’m a genius and you’re not entirely stupid –“

John huffs a laugh. “Thanks.”

“What if it is a genius too and it ends up with parents who want it to be normal?” Rodney continues, staring down at his hands resting in his lap. John thinks of his own unhappy childhood, full of tense silences and stiff formality. Okay, he can kind of see Rodney’s point. Still, it doesn’t make this plan a sane one.

“You turned out okay,” John says.

“Oh. You think so?” Rodney says eagerly.

That’s just fishing, so John just raises an eyebrow at him. The pleased smile Rodney tries to hide has John’s fingers itching to reach out and touch him. 

-*-*

“Oh my god,” Rodney yelps, white as a sheet.

“What?” John asks, and then notices Rodney’s hand, clamped to the swell of his stomach. “Rodney!” he yells. “Now? Seriously?!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault!” Rodney replies. He looks terrified, which is not helping John’s own, burgeoning terror.

“Okay, okay, what the hell do we do in this situation?” John says, looking around the jumper desperately. They’re still hours out from Atlantis, Rodney’s due date not until two weeks away. He’d known it was a stupid idea, why the hell had he let McKay talk him into this, why hadn’t they brought the experimental jumper –  
Right. He had to quit panicking. There’s only static on the comms but John sends out the coded Lantean distress call anyway, heart in his throat and hands shaking.

-*-*

“John, if we don’t make it back to Atlantis – “ 

“We’re going to make it, and you’re going to be fine. You’re both going to be fine,” John says grimly. 

“Is that an order?” Rodney asks, and goddamnit his voice sounded weak, a little thready. When John turns around, Rodney’s even paler, his eyes a little glassy.

“Damn right it is.”

Rodney doesn’t answer, his eyes drifting shut like he’s tired. 

“Hey, buddy, stay with me now,” John says sharply.

“’M awake,” Rodney mumbles.

-*-*

“Daedalus, we have a medical emergency here. Beam Dr McKay to medical immediately and have a team on standby!”

“You heard the man,” Caldwell says. There’s a flash of light and then Rodney’s gone. John wipes his mouth with the back of his shaking hand. 

-*-*

“He’s fine, Colonel,” Dr Biro says reassuringly. “They’re both fine, actually.”

John sits down heavily. “Both,” he repeats.

“Dr McKay and your son.”

“Thank you,” he says, when he can speak again.

Biro beams at him. “Would you like to see them?”

“Yes. Yeah, please.”

John has held a few babies in his life, when he hadn’t been able to escape. This is different. The baby is small and wrinkly, with tiny fingers and tiny toes just like any other kid. Except, John thinks, that this kid is his and somehow that makes all the difference. They have the same hair, and maybe the kid has his nose too. Although the kid has Rodney’s mouth, and looks amusingly like McKay when he frowns and waves his little fists. When he yawns and blinks, his eyes are the same shade of blue as Rodney’s.

“Hi there,” John says stupidly, grinning.

“Oh don’t tell me you’re one of those adults who goes mushy over babies,” Rodney grouches from the bed behind him.

“Hey,” he says, taking the seat by the bed. The kid shifts in his arms, making small complaining noises. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been run over by a Hive ship,” Rodney complains.

The kid makes a little ‘ah’ sound and waves his little fists and Rodney’s eyes drop to him.

“Huh, he’s kinda cute, isn’t he?”

“You want to hold him?” John asks.

Carefully he places the kid in Rodney’s arms. McKay stares down, wide eyed. The baby blinks up at him.

“Typical, he’s got your stupid hair,” Rodney says, after a moment. 

“Kid’s got good genes,” John says smugly. Rodney rolls his eyes. The kid shifts and they both look back down, weirdly entranced.

“He’s really something, huh,” Rodney says, lips curling up into a smile.

“Yeah, he is," John says and then carefully leans over their son and kisses McKay.

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> RL = crazy. Haven't forgotten about Lorne, or about undercover stuff with Todd, just haven't had a second to think about them. Wrote this to blow off steam after a long three months. It is ridiculous. :D
> 
> Also, I lied. There is no shame.
> 
> Written while half asleep. Please forgive all inevitable mistakes.


End file.
